There is nothing quite like booking yourself a wellness retreat and then having a panic attack whilst packing your bag, the night before you leave.

What should I wear?
What do I need to take?
Will everyone be flexible and experts at yoga?
Will people judge me?
Will I fit in?
Where will I find my place in this group?

I was once a huge yogi, meditating, spiritual, journalling type of girl, many moons ago. I still do my bit but have lost my consistent practice. My social anxiety was having a field day and I was already questioning why I'd voluntarily signed myself up for a weekend with thirteen women I didn't know.

Looking back, of course, it was all a complete waste of time and tears.

A little escape from real life

In August, I headed to Zensi Retreat in St Fillans, just outside Mudgee, for the Align & Shine retreat — a luxury women's wellness weekend hosted by reformer Pilates instructor Chantal and psychologist Pravania.

I went with my travel buddy Amber, which definitely helped with the initial nerves, and from Friday night until mid-Sunday we swapped normal life for a beautiful house tucked away in the quiet of the countryside.

And it really was beautiful.

Dark ceilings, mood lighting, an outdoor pool, magnesium spa, sauna and a dedicated yoga studio. It was the kind of place where you could actually exhale.

The weekend had a schedule, but importantly, it wasn't rigid.

There were yoga and Pilates sessions, even some tai chi mixed in there, meditation, walks, workshops, sauna time, the magnesium spa, reading, markets in Mudgee, wine tasting, dancing, a fire pit well maintained by two of the women and sunrises and sunsets to admire (okay, whilst I do love a good sunrise, I just didn’t have it in me to get up early this weekend).

You could join a class, sit something out, take yourself off for some quiet time or simply do absolutely nothing.

And that turned out to be one of the biggest lessons of the weekend for me.

Finding my reason for being there

Then came the introductions.

We went around the room sharing a little about ourselves and why we'd come. As the stories unfolded, I noticed a common theme. For many of the women, this weekend was about stepping away from the roles and responsibilities they carry every day.

They didn’t have to be Mum for a few days nor the person everyone needed. They didn't have to organise, cook, clean, answer questions, make decisions or be responsible for anyone else.

They could just be themselves.

And I had another little panic.

Because that isn't really my story.

I wasn't there because I desperately needed to escape my life. I actually have a pretty great life. There wasn't a houseful of kids waiting for me at home or a feeling that I needed to get away from being needed.

So again, I wondered: what am I doing here?

Was I going to be the odd one out because my reason for being there was different?

But then I realised something. Maybe you don't have to be exhausted by motherhood, overwhelmed by responsibility or desperate for a break to deserve some time for yourself. Maybe you can simply go because you want to.

I didn't need to escape my life. I just wanted to step out of it for a little while. And that felt like a pretty good reason too.

Once I stopped worrying about whether I had the ‘right’ reason for being there, (and some phone counselling and suppot from my bf) I could actually enjoy it. Because, as it turned out, none of us really needed the same reason. We just needed to be there.

Finding my place

The women were lovely. There were different ages, personalities, backgrounds, shapes and sizes. No one was giving me the evil eye because I hadn't done yoga in seven years. And, thankfully, no one expected me be a pro either. Whilst I did try to hide at the back of the group, I may have made up a few of my own moves and poses though, which was okay with me.

Some women were more experienced with yoga and wellness, some less so. Some wanted to join everything. Others needed more downtime. And that was acceptable.

I had Amber there, which helped, but I also found myself naturally chatting to women I hadn't met before. Conversation flowed. There were plenty of laughs.

I could join in when I wanted to, take some time out when I needed it and come back when I was ready.

There was timeline and schedule set but it wasn’t rigid.

And that turned out to be one of the biggest lessons of the weekend for me.

Apparently, I have a problem with being flexible

Not physically flexible. I already knew that.

I'm talking about life flexible. Well, I sorta knew that already too.

The retreat schedule was deliberately fluid. They listened to the group, changed things when it made sense and let us have some say in how the weekend unfolded.

Which sounds wonderful.

Except my brain apparently does not work like that.

The itinerary said yoga at 7am.

So I got up at 7am.

Then it was changed to 7.30am.

Okay. I can cope with that.

So I got ready for 7.30am.

Except… nobody was in the mood to do yoga at 7.30am.

So it was moved to 8.30am.

And honestly, this time swtiching stuff is really stressful for me to handle.

Why can't I just be flexible?

If you tell me something is happening at 7am, my brain says: Right. 7am. That's the time. We have a plan.

Dinner at 6pm? We eat at 6pm.

If we say we're leaving at 9am? We're leaving at 9am.

The fact that dinner might actually happen at 6.30 doesn't bother most people. For me, there is something very comforting about knowing what is happening and when.

So this weekend gave me something unexpected to work on.

Not just stretching my body, but stretching my ability to let go of the plan.

It sounds ridiculous when I write it down. But it’s me. If you’re reading this and know me well, you are probably nodding along. I am a time girly.

Eat, move, relax… repeat

The food was another highlight.

Everything was cooked by Dora from @tastetotable_, and it was fresh, colourful and genuinely delicious.

So delicious, for the next week I was living on my own home made nut-butter-filled dates dipped in dark chocolate and sea salt.

There were also workshops covering things like aligned boundaries, the nourish lifestyle and nervous system resets, along with plenty of opportunities simply to slow down. Of course, put fourteen women interested in wellness in a house together for a weekend and the conversation inevitably turns to health.

There was a surprising amount of knowledge sharing happening between us.

Which collagen powder is actually worth taking?
Which vitamins do you swear by?
Where do you buy the best Brazil nuts?
What's the best coconut milk?
What supplements are everyone taking?

It was less formal health advice and more those conversations you have with friends when someone says, “Oh, you need to try this…”

And then there was the Prysm scanner.

I'd never heard of it before the retreat, but it uses a fingerprint scan to measure skin carotenoid levels and provide a score related to your antioxidant status.

I was hesitant, but also curious. And apparently, my body wanted a little bragging rights that weekend because I had the highest score in the group! I'll take that win.

It was actually one of the things I enjoyed most about the weekend — the little nuggets of information you pick up simply from being around other women. Everyone had their own experiences, favourite products, things they'd tried and things they swore by. I came home with a few new ideas, a few things to investigate and, perhaps most importantly, a renewed interest in paying a little more attention to what I'm putting into my body.

And yes, I am now slightly more interested in Brazil nuts and coconut milk than I was before.

A reset, not a reinvention

I think sometimes wellness retreats are sold as though you'll come home as an entirely new person who drinks green juice at sunrise, meditates for an hour and has finally discovered the meaning of life. That wasn't my experience. I came home as exactly the same person. I still like a plan. I still have time anxiety. I'm still not particularly flexible. And I will probably still stress when someone changes the plan after I've mentally prepared myself for it.

But for me, after the weekend, I did come home feeling reset.

The weekend gave me space to slow down, reconnect with myself, laugh, move my body, eat really good food, spend time with other women and remember that I don't always have to be doing something productive (though I did have to repeat that to myself several times over the weekend).

Sometimes it's enough to just be.

And perhaps the biggest thing I took away was that all the worrying I did before I went was completely unnecessary.

The panic attack.
The tears.
The outfit decisions.
The “will I fit in?” spiral.

None of it mattered once I got there.

The women were lovely. I found my place. I could opt in and out. I had Amber when I needed her. My bf was only a call away. I could take time out when I needed it. And I didn't have to be anyone other than myself.

Maybe that's what the reset was really about.

Not becoming a different person. Just giving myself permission to stop trying so hard for a little while.

And, apparently, learning that if yoga moves from 7am to 8.30am…

I'll survive.

Would I do it again?

I think I would. Once the noise and mind chatter stops, and I relaxed into, it was a restful weekend away. It does come with a $$$ pricetag but it was worth the investment in myself (once I stopped telling myself I could have booked an overseas holiday with that money lol).

If a retreat, some time out or a little rediscovery of yourself is on your 2027 bucket list, the Align & Shine Retreat is one to put on your radar.

The weekend was full of thoughtful touches, including a generous goodie bag filled with products donated by supporting businesses, plus discounts. If you are interested in updating your yoga sock collection try Sole Theory Collective with 30% off online orders using SHINE30 or the CE hats are groovy; get 20% off sitewide with the code RETREAT20.

If you're interested in finding out about future Align & Shine retreats, you can join their waiting list. Maybe I'll see you there.

Just don't tell me what time yoga starts until the morning.

LATEST TRUE SELF POSTS